Breaking into Google Headquarters
In which I tempt the criminal justice system while flaunting the California statute of limitations.
or, This Proof of Concept is Also a Picture of Cats
Has there been an increase in potential residency in Philadelphia?
Analyzing Zoning Density Changes, 2012–2017
Is Automation of Automation Going to Kill Off Computer Science Jobs?
An Essay in Polite Dissent to Mark Cuban
Service Discovery on Dynamic Peer-to-Peer Networks Using Mobile Agents
or, How Bumper Cars Relate to Computer Science
Positive Train Control
or, Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Train Tracks
Reverse Engineering and Hacking Text Messages for Great Good
Musical Uncanny Valley (Continued)
In which I annoyingly and gratuitously riff on a theme.
Musical Uncanny Valley
In which I compare annoying music to artisanal ketchup.
or: No, I thought you were doing it.
Social Signals Part 2
The (gratuitous) math behind the magic.
or, the basis for an article that was nominated for best paper and subsequently rejected.
Success in OS X
10 easy steps (and lots of unnecessary prose) on how to set up a new PowerBook in 48 hours or more.
or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love C++11
Killing Programs Softly
A quick script to gently kill intermittently unresponsive programs on OS X.
粤式蒸鱼 (Steamed Fish with Hot Oil)
In which I adulterate a classic Cantonese dish.
Lenticrypt: a Provably Plausibly Deniable Cryptosystem
or, This Picture of Cats is Also a Picture of Dogs
Random Solutions are Often Good Enough
Sometimes taking the easy way out isn’t nearly as bad as it might seem!
Physical Security Followup
These Locks are Everywhere!
Exploiting Password Weaknesses in Physical Security
In which I channel the spirit of my eighth academic cousin thrice removed, Richard Feynman.
Defending Against “Packet in Packet” Attacks
Defending Your E-Mails from Surveillance … Conveniently
Ceci c’est ne pas une pirate.
Streams Data Processing Workshop
A Presentation Introducing Distributed Combinatorial Optimization
Three reasons why you’ve probably never had an authentic sushi experience.
Will eating late at night make you fat?
The Economics of Eating Poorly
Is it cheaper to eat fast food than to cook a meal from scratch?
In which I argue that not only desserts but also deserts are corrolated with obesity.
Pronunciation of foreign words in American vs. British English
In which my etymological conjectures are repudiated by Peter Shor.
Are no two snowflakes alike?
A mathematical argument for the negative.
Revisiting the Ballmer Peak
Might the Ballmer Peak be an actual phenomena?
Sir Robert Burnett
An investigation into the life of the patron saint of alcoholic graduate students.
Seven Degrees of Separation
In the year 2651 we will have to create the "Seven Degrees of Separation Game"!
…for the fifth—and by no means last—time.
Grading PDFs (a Workflow)
Annotation of multi-page PDFs using open-source tools.
Gender Representation on the Internet
In which I discover that male names appear much more often than female names on the Internet.
鯖の味噌煮 (Saba no Misoni)
A Receipt for My Favorite Japanese Dish
Рецепт любимого рагу моей жены.
A solution for digital hoarding.
The Ninth International Conference on Autonomous Agents and Multiagent Systems
Success in Linux
Linux: Simultaneously the source of and solution to all of my computing problems.
Retirement Planning through Treasure Hunting
A metaphor for the process of earning a Ph.D.
iPhone Toolchain on Linux
Computer-to-Computer File Transfer for the Masses
Gmail Notifications in Linux
In which I coerce processes to email me as they die.
Journey to the Center of the Twitterverse
In which Evan and Joe teach you how to make beautiful documents.
On the Economics of Higher Education
In which I apply flimsy math and hand-waving to justify the time I’ve wasted in school.
Hacking the Law
Thought Experiments Testing the Limits of the Law
Celebrating 200 Poetic Years
In which Rob and I embark on yet another crazy trip.
Walking to the Horizon
or, A Mathematical Argument for a Gastronomical Visit to Stockholm
Cycle Junkie Shirt
An esoteric shirt inspired by a slightly less esoteric conference.
Sultanik’s Law of Wikipedia Authorship
Spoiler: Trolls always prevail.
Only π more hours to go…
In which I am trolled by a software utility.
In which I blatantly offend yet another group of people.
Dictionary and Thesaurus Lookup in Emacs
Or, adding a feature to a piece of software that already has too many features.
Orþography for Dental Fricatives
Or, how I bought myself a US passport.
A Solo Trip to Spain and Portugal
Cycling from Philadelphia, PA to Reston, VA
In which I once again make poor life decisions fueled by stubbornness.
In which an innocent cyclist is rudely introduced to the Internet.
The Great Cat Massacre
or, More Evidence that the French are Bunch of Psychopaths
This blog entry is a special case within the set of all possible blog entries.
Women, fast roadsters, and small computers!
In which I provide evidence of my trespass onto Google’s new campus.
Spammers are getting smart!
In which spammers finally realize that OCR has yet to pass the Turing Test.
Because dogs deserve to have the chance to ruin their kidneys, too.
National Television Debut
In which I boast about some inane metrics.
KOMPRESSOR KRUSH EXECUTIVE GOVERNMENT BRANCH
(Presumably to destroy X10)
What a Commute!
Breaking stereotypes with bicycles and hot dogs.